Birthing class recap

Heidi and I attended our first birthing class on Monday night at Grand Strand Hospital. It was a pretty interesting experience, but not for all the reasons I thought. I am definitely glad we went, but I can't really say I learned much. I think with this being the first of 3 classes it was meant to be more of an intro, but really it just repeated alot of what we've already been learning. Overall, it just left me feeling a little more comfortable with the whole process, but there were also plenty of uncomfortable moments as well.

To keep my mind and hands busy I decided to take some notes (mostly of the offbeat variety) about basically everything we did. Here's what I came back with:

• 7:10 p.m. - Class starts with only 3 couples. Everytime the nurse decides to begin, another couple strolls in. This ends 5 minutes and 3 couples later.
• 7:15 p.m. - Introductions. Everyone knows the sex of their baby, 4 girls vs. 2 boys.
• 7:20 p.m. - Video begins on basic anatomy, announcer refers to baby only as "him."
• 7:25 p.m. - Woman on video tells about her dreams while pregnant. "I gave birth to 5 rabbits," she says.
• 7:30 p.m - Diagram of a baby at 37 weeks. For some reason the baby has a HUGE forehead.
• 7:35 p.m. - Quote from nurse: "Labor is a messy process, we'd rather you ruin our stuff than your own."
• 7:40 p.m. - Found out laptops and cell phones are allowed in the labor room and the department has wireless internet. WOO HOO! On with liveblogging the labor.
• 7:45 p.m. - Talking about making up a birth plan
• 8:00 p.m. - Talking about Group B strep test and how it killed a bunch of babies back in the 80s. Uh oh, time for the $50 million dollar question; "How do I know when I'm in labor?"
• 8:10 p.m. - Break time. Grab snacks from the table of fruits, cheeses, and cookies, not a horrible spread really. Try to call mom for her birthday to no avail.
• 8:15 p.m. - Nurse breaking out the dialation chart. Looking at it, it's hard to believe a vagina could be as big as any of them.
• 8:20 p.m. - Video #2. Must be old, because folks are wearing big 90s hair and red parachute pants.
• 8:25 p.m. - Closeup cervix animation. That's top-notch computer animation...for 1996.
• 8:27 p.m - There's the money shot! I knew it was coming, yet it still caught me off guard. Gross...
  
• 8:30 p.m. - Nurse quote: "Relatives just love vaginal exams!" referring to people always asking to how far the mother is dilated.
• 8:35 p.m. - Don't eat China Buffet before birth, it makes for a bad combination of vomit, contractions and diarrhea.
• 8:40 p.m - Video #3. This woman is out eating soup at Boston Market and taking walks in the park while she's in labor.
• 8:45 p.m. - I've made my wardrobe choice based on what the guy in the video is wearing while his wife is in labor. SUSPENDERS it is!
• 8:50 p.m - Final Nurse Quote: "You just have to be limp like a noodle."

And there you have it. All the knowledge of a two exhilarating hours of obstetrics education packed into one blog post. I've got some more gems, but I will save those for another time.